As I walked into the kitchen to sit my great-grandmother’s things that I got from work, I turned my head and looked into the china cabinet. I thought to myself: it has been two months. Inside the china cabinet was my great-uncle’s driver licenses that was taken only a few days before he was taken to the hospital and everything began.
It was at that time that my great-uncle looked like he did when he was Chemo and Radiation back in 2007-2008, but worst; he looked like he was withering away. It made me sick every time looking at him during those months after his surgery on February 25th, 2010.
Truly, I cannot fathom that it has been two months since his passing, and yesterday my great-grandmother told me was the twenty-ninth anniversary of the death of my great-grandfather, Raymond (her husband).
Granny, herself has been going through some troubles. She is one of the most stubborn people I have ever met in my life, but I know for her she is waiting for the Lord to take her away to be with all those who she has lost.
Unlike her, who has just a short time left on this earthly realm, I have hopefully (with God’s mercy) another fifty plus years left before I cannot only see those whom I love and lost, but see the truest desire of all, to see the face of God.
Granny likes to remind me that I need to be strong and I must overcome this sorrow. I agree with her whole-heartily and yet, I know that time is what will help, not completely help, but is my way through this path without my great-uncle physically in my life.
These two months, I have cried random nights telling my great-uncle I am sorry for not loving and caring for him more. I cry to him to please pray for me and I ask the Holy Spirit to help me, for it seems no one else can help. I hold my great-uncle’s buffalo so tightly some nights most would think I was still that little girl who was scared of darkness.
These two months, I have learned that writing my thoughts down either on a blog or in a journal (which I am hoping to write more in both) helps the void, helps with loneliness that comes from it all. I have learned that the death of my great-uncle was one more part of the whole of learning myself and my vocation in God’s wonderful plan of my short-span life.
I hope all of you are not upset with me because this entry is making no sense what-so-ever, but these thoughts have been going through for the last twelve hours.