I slept for twelve hours after coming home. Palm Sunday was not the way I was hoping it would be. My fiance and I were having arguments more often than an actual conversation, all because I do not know how to keep my mouth shut. He and I are very different in how we want things sometimes. This comes from how we were raised; for I was raised one way and he was raised the other. And now I want what he has been raised with and he wants what I was raised with. I wish not to go into details what killed all of Palm Sunday, but let us just say I cried myself to sleep.
What probably doesn’t help me is that he is my only best friend now. I tell him everything and that is just not good with all he has to go through, especially with him leaving in forty-three days for Basic Training. Another problem yesterday arise that really pushed it and made me feel even worst than I was before. I wanted to spend my first full day off with him by going out and doing stuff, without restraints of time and in the end due to miscommunications and the dispute earlier I was home without him.
He had called after he left my house hoping to fix things because he hates leaving me like that. I told him I just wanted that precious time that I knew I would not have anymore after a certain time. I told him and told myself that I was hurting because I knew that I would not have all the time in the world like other couples will have and acknowledging that is what set me to cry.
I was not wanting to make you all read this but I wanted to write these emotions out. Maybe this is the reason for Holy Week for me to figure out who I am and where I need to place myself in the great mystery of my future marriage. I do not want to cause JR to drop everything to make me happy, I cannot do that for him. I just wanted a day of being with him totally, when I know I won’t have those that way very often.