A Very Tired Kita (Written this morning)

Through the cross the faithful receive strength from weakness, glory from dishonor, life from death.

-Pope Saint Leo the Great

It is around 9 o’clock in the morning and I just finished my prayers and daily readings. I have yet to fall asleep, which bugs me to no end. On the plus side, thanks be to God, I actually did not dosed as I prayed and I have done that maybe a few times, and it is normally when I am really tired and about to go to bed.

Last night before I clocked into work I was listening to a song that I remember listening to when I was in high school. My Immortal by Evanescence, normally that song will get me moved to sing the tune, but never really emotionally. That was up till last night; for when I heard the song I was crying. It is one of those songs that I think of Darrell. I mean I did not hold his hands for years, but it felt that this past year it was many years. (I have mention that many times in other entries)

It did not help that my little cousin, whom I love dearly was there and she gave me a hug. I miss her around, though we differ in many things, she listens and I listen as well, she is more like a little sister whom I wish to protect and help than a cousin whom I just know. If that makes any sense; I have noticed though that I am feel out of the loop in the lives of my family, and personally I know it is not their fault, but my own, I think.

Most of my reasoning comes from the idea that I know they have busy lives, so why bother with bothering them with my lonely self. Personally, I would love to be a part of their lives, but everyone is so busy, while I am…well not. And I know people are thinking I am becoming clingy and you name it, but truly if I was clingy I tell you I would be so much a bother I would ask that you please put me in a mental ward, I am serious.

On a happier note, today is a special day, it is JR and I’s thirty-third month anniversary. It is great to know that we have lasted this long and still are going strong, we have many ups and downs, but certainly there is one thing for sure, we are honest to one another about concerns, opinions, compliments and etc. I cannot be happier than to know that I have JR in my life and as I prayed today I thought about that day that I first met JR. How I was thinking to ask at that moment to how to go about joining a convent. God certainly has other plans; I never get tired of thinking that God personal gave me that answer of my vocation right there.

When JR reads this entry, I want him to know I love him so much and am happy that we are going to see each other tonight! I love you dear!

Another note, a friend of mine, whom comments on my blog, is in Washington, D.C. how I envy her going there, I am not the city girl type, but I love all the history there and of course my boys are in the area and it is great to visit them. I will ask all of you to please pray for her, she is a busy woman with a big heart and a great mind, whom I hope one to, know more and become a closer friend to. Laura have fun in DC!

God Bless.

 

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2 thoughts on “A Very Tired Kita (Written this morning)

  1. I’m finally catching up with blog reading. Thank you for thinking of me! I’m not a city girl either but I do love visiting Washington, D.C. Maybe someday we can go together!

    Because you’re less busy than your family members, maybe the way to grow closer to them is just to listen to them as they describe their busy days. I know that one thing I really appreciate is when someone takes the time to listen to me (or read) while I vent. You don’t even need to say anything, just be there for them.

    • Thank you Laura for the advice. Many times they just do not talk to me, if that makes any sense and they make no effort that they want to even have me listen to them. But, I am taking in your advice either way. 🙂

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